Follow the B’s
The story of Chicken Little at first seems like a story of cowards. Running from their fear and crying wolf at the first sight of danger. The moral is that running from your fear can only because you more hurt than good. In a way it teaches children of courage in the face of fear.
This tends to be a life lesson for me. We have a so many opportunities in our lives to make choices. Either we can go forward in the face of fear or we can run and let that fear linger and grow until it is the all-consuming thought in our head. In my time on this earth I have done both. I have run towards and away from fear. In personal life, business life, and everything in between I have come across the choice. The great and scary thing about this is that its in our hands, it is our choice, and it is on our shoulders. If that doesn’t leave a tingle in the body then you may never have feeling.
As Early as I can remember, I have loved athletics. I started playing hockey at the age of 3. I soon followed that up with T-ball/baseball. I enjoyed the teamwork. I enjoyed being great at things. What I didn’t enjoy was the excessive coaching that I received from my father. He had my best intentions in mind but what it built inside me was a do or die mentality. This can be good and bad. As we have gone over personality types in the previous article in this series, I am an INTJ. I am also a high Type A personality. This is great for goals and structure but bad for dealing with failure as the analyzing and over analyzing of what could have been done better, why did I fail, why can I not be enough, what can I do to make myself more than I am….etc. This leads to second guessing and trying to figure out the failure. Unravel it bit by bit because it was never good enough to be successful because I was going for the next before I stepped of the podium.
Unfortunately, I was seemingly terrible at relationships. I think it is because I am poorly equipped to handle both the hard line of business, which what I do has me spending emotion and time on others so much, and balance of needing to recharge my introverted self/making time for someone who needs my time as well. I have moments when it is hard to differentiate what time needed is. What it has come down to with me is this: I lack the B’s. BALANCE and BOUNDRIES.
Balance:
This is huge. Every time I set a goal it is all consuming. I must achieve that goal. It takes away from all other aspects of my life. Two and a half years ago I set a goal to start CrossFit and go to regionals within the same year. Hard enough when you have plenty of time to do so but compressed in a year, its nearly impossible. It took sacrifice and what I didn’t do was speak to and make these goals with my significant other at the time. I saw a challenge and I jumped impetuously into it, head first. I do not blame the sport for any relationships ending. I blame myself due to not communicating and not balancing work/life ratio. There is a balance and while I have not often found it, I know it is there because there are people like me who are happy and can have a family and excel at their hobbies. I just am not at the point where I can figure this out.
Boundaries:
Here is a fear moment for you. I am on call at all hours of the day and night for my clients. Yet, my parents who a short time ago, I spoke to daily, don’t get a call. My other friends and family did not get the connection they needed, and my friends who some I grew up with have fallen by the wayside because I could not have boundaries for my work. The fear there is that when I have W/X/Y to be done for a business (I am owner or part owner in 3 start-ups), that took precedence due to my need to succeed in that realm of the world and my fear that if I am not there we lose a customer. I allowed that to be consuming and while I should have had boundaries and put people in place. That leads me right back to balance.
What this means to me is that despite my personality, it is my choice to change that. It is up to me to find balance because my other half won’t just find me and balance me. I will have to work at it. I will have to learn from my failures in relationships and in business to allow for a better version of me. When I look at the big picture, my weakness is surrounding myself with work when personal life goes to hell. It’s funny to me. After a lot of soul searching, something I said when I was younger rings true. “I am great in chaos. When the crap hits the fan, I am always there to fix things, always there to be leaned on. I thrive in chaos. When things are calm and it is time to relax, that is when I am terrible.” I do not have a great ability to stay still. It’s a blessing and a curse. I don’t know if it is about being needed and leaned on for validation or I feel lazy if I am not leading or chasing. It doesn’t lend to great opportunity for lasting relationships at all.
Life is about relationships. It is about learning from others, having strong bonds, and building things that will last. While I may not have been born with the ability to sit still, I can always run head on into those fears and tackle them. Because though the sky is rough and the clouds are imposing, the sky is not falling.
